It’s kind of wild to me how it’s already been a full year since we packed up our life and moved to the US. Last March, we said goodbye to our life in Amsterdam and made our way to Jersey City. We sold our bikes and any furniture and shipped all our belongings in 20 boxes to the US. We said “see you later” to the friends we’d made over 4.5 years abroad and called up our family and friends in NYC. We officially said goodbye to being expats.
I have been pretty open about the difficulties of repatriating in this post and on Instagram. The first few months after the move, I felt like I’d lost part of myself. Life abroad had become a big part of my identity. Add all the cultural differences to my identity crisis, and it was really hard to settle into life here. I was lucky enough to book myself a trip to Amsterdam at the end of the summer, which was a surreal experience. It helped me to recognize that my life is now in the US, but I also was so homesick for my former life abroad.
Now that it’s officially been a year, I can say I feel a little better but also… kind of the same. I’d love to share some revelation about how I’ve managed to completely overcome my homesickness for Amsterdam, but that would be a lie. I miss it nearly every day. In all honesty, I would still move back in a heart beat. I dream all the time about my walks along the canals. I miss coffee runs with Mercedes. Every time I see flowers at the grocery, I pine for the flowers from the Saturday market.
I don’t know if I’ll ever stop missing Amsterdam. I’ve heard from some of you who repatriated many years ago and still feel the draw to go back abroad. I think the expat life has made its way under my skin and become part of who I am. I truly hope that there’s an opportunity to live abroad again in the near future. I would jump at it.
In the meantime, I am much more settled into American life. Being near to NYC has been great because it provides me many opportunities for culture in the city. I’m also able to see my girlfriends and my little brother regularly. I’m also lucky to be somewhere that a lot of people want to visit. I will admit that Jersey City doesn’t feel like a long-term place for me. It’s cute and great to be close to the city, but I’m ready to check out somewhere new. We don’t have any plans to move anytime soon, but I’m definitely looking forward to finding a new adventure in the future.
For now, I’m focusing on finding gratitude in my day-to-day. This journal has been a HUGE help in shifting my focus. It’s been great to be in the US and have access to all the best brands and resources for wedding prep. We’ve also built a very cozy home that I love spending time in. I’ve also realized that the best way for me to adjust to life back in the US is to keep busy and plan things to look forward to, so I’m constantly scheduling things to experience here in the US. Plus it helps to have a couple of trips back to Europe scheduled for this year.
All in all, I’m a lot more comfortable with life in the US, but I also miss my life abroad with every part of my being. I have no idea what the future will hold, but I’m staying positive and focusing on gratitude for the amazing life I live. I’d love to know if things got easier for those of you who have been back in the US for many years!
Xx, Kelsey
